Love me, love me not

I look at you,
Yet the cowardice inside me
Make me put on a pretense,
As i look at you again,
Shy as I may be.
You not see my glancing at you.

My heart stirring,
Throbbing non-stop.
I see my nondescript life
Your presence makes a difference.
Lighted it up.
Added a new dimension.
I feel a new leash of life,
Momentarily, temporarily.

Yet close as i physically may be
My heart full of sentiments
And unspoken agony
I know i cannot love you,
For it's more than physical
That i am away from you.

I do not deserve you.
Someone else does.

Is this a joke on me?
I continue to steal glances at you.
Your life happy and contented,
Warms my heart.
A consolation maybe,
That you are at least happy,
And unaware of my internal struggles,
My untold love for you.

I admit it's all an infatuation
I admit i will grow out of it
I admit you will always have a place,
In my heart.
Even as time erodes all entities,
Your presence is etched in my memory.
A scar,
Yet also moments of heartfelt elation

If only you love me,
And i love you not...